I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Acid is not a monday night drug
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
