I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
