youre lurking in front of me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
