So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
