she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
