I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
