We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
