Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
