What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
