What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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