so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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