Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
