she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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