He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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