After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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