I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sex in a hospital.. check
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
