watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
