Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
