Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I understand Curling. That high.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
