There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
