My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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