I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
