my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
