you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
