Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
