i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
