he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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