so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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