How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
