Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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