Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
