I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
