Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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