you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
