I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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