I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
