I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
