she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
