You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ruined the universe
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
