There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
