Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there's paper in my vomit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
