Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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