First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize