Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize