3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
