Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
