he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
