Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
