thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
