This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
