and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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