if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
