I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
