Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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