You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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