3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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