I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
