me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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