I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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