Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
