the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I want is dick and wine.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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