I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
