I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
