we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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