and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
