Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
