Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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