he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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