I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
