Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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