Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
