you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
should my penis look like a turkey
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
