You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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