Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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