I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
